A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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