bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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