I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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