I met the friendliest cop last night
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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