Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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