I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
