her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This baby is an asshole
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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