My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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