My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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