All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
