if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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