I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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