He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
