well most of my day revolves around power hour
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
PANTIES FOUND
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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