it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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