you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
