i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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