dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
