Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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