Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
