When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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