i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
