We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Green mimosas i think yes
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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