$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
