it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize