no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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