I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Your cock deserves a montage
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
