My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
