is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
