Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
