Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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