My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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