Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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