'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
