i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
