then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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