Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
