just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
