I looked at my own cervix.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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