Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
