We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
