you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
