Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
