i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
