Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
