Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
