also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
