how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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