We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She needs sedatives and a leash
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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