i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
