We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
