you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
