I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
