we have officially lost it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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