Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
