really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
