I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
