When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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