This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
