I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
