Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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