I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
