Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize