when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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