see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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