I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have demons in me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
