My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
