mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
